


Best laid plans

by lasersheith



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Eventual Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 18:37:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13393836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lasersheith/pseuds/lasersheith
Summary: Was Keith proud of the fact that petty revenge was his first thought upon being given an amazing stealth suit? Not particularly. But was he going to let that stop him from enacting said petty revenge? Absolutely not. Turns out, Karma isn't so much a bitch as a… well, you'll see.Or, how to attempt to counter-prank your buddy and end up stuck as a cat, a memoir by Keith Kogane.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A received the beautiful prompt of:  
> "Keith discovers that Galra can actually transform themselves into a cat, and he promptly does so. After all, following Shiro around latched onto him 24/7 to make sure he’s safe is considered ‘socially unacceptable’ when he’s in a human form but doing the same as a cat is somehow ‘cute’. So Keith might as well be a cat all the time. Bonus: none of the team knows he’s the cat."  
> From stumbling-while-balancing on tumblr and this is what happened.
> 
> I went a slightly different direction, but I feel like I stayed true to the spirit. Part 1 is mostly Keith dicking on Lance but the sheithy goodness will show up soon!
> 
> Not sure when part 2 will be out, but this might turn into an Event.

Kolivan had pulled him aside and brought him to the R&D wing rather unexpectedly, and while he wasn't as much of a tech nerd as Hunk or Pidge, he still always appreciated the opportunity to look at all of the incredible science and engineering that went on behind the scenes with the Blades of Marmora. Stopping in front of a display case, Kolivan gestured to the unassuming black and purple suit inside. “We've been studying Altean physiology and technology extensively ever since Princess Allura and Coran were awakened. This suit was designed to provide the wearer with the ability to mutate size and shape, much like the Alteans can.” Keith's eyes went wide. “We need you to test it.” He placed a hand on the case.  _ I'm going to troll Lance so hard with this,  _ he thought to himself before turning to Kolivan.

 

“Why me?” Kolivan coughed into a hand and looked away. “Don't sell yourself short, Keith. Even though you've only been with the blades such a small amount of time, you've already established yourself as a key asset and keen mind.” He said, still not making eye contact. Crossing his arms and sighing, Keith raised an eyebrow. “You didn't have enough material to make a suit big enough for anyone else, did you?” Kolivan took a long, telling pause. “That was also a factor, yes.” 

 

Keith rolled his eyes and opened the case. “Ok how does it work?” 

 

…

 

After a few days of extensive, and frankly exhausting, testing, Keith was finally free. It had taken a lot of negotiation but Kolivan had eventually agreed that he was allowed to borrow the suit to show it off to the Voltron crew, under the pretense that between Hunk and the Holts they'd probably be able to come up with a way to achieve the desired results without using such rare materials. Keith set his autopilot to dock with the Castle of Lions and pressed the sequence of buttons on the suit that allowed him to transform. His chosen form? A common house cat, of the especially cute and cuddly variety. Lance wouldn't be able to resist. 

 

The first major flaw in Keith's plan was getting off of his ship. Opposable thumbs were unfortunately mandatory for operating the hatch controls. After several long minutes of weighing the pros and cons of abandoning his prank, Coran finally showed up and opened the hatch from the outside, weapon at the ready. Immediately upon seeing Keith, his eyes went wide and a smile beamed across his face. “A kitten!” He wailed. Keith let out a very undignified mewl as he was grabbed and snuggled into Coran's mustache. 

 

“How did you get here, little guy? Did you fly this ship from the Marmora base?” He was babbling in baby talk at the cat-that-was-actually-Keith. “Well we'd better get you up to the bridge to meet everyone, hadn't we?” Keith purred in acknowledgment and Coran carried him to the center of the ship, cooing at him the entire way. 

 

Being the center of attention was never Keith's favorite thing in the world, but being the center of attention while having 6 pairs of hands all vying to touch him was pure torture. His natural reaction was to run and hide behind Shiro, but even he seemed hell bent on scratching Keith's chin. Only Matt was unaffected by his soft and cuddly new form, so he quickly dashed to the other side of the room and hid behind Matt's feet. “Oooh no. Oh god. Get this thing out of here.” 

 

Lance frowned and crossed his arms. “What kind of  _ monster _ doesn't like cats? Pidge, fix your brother!” He shouted, pointing angrily in Matt's direction. Matt leaned down and pulled Keith up from under his front paws, holding him out straight and as far away from his body as he could manage. “The severely allergic kind. Here take this.” He deposited the cat into Lance's arms and sneezed. “I'll be in the medbay if anyone needs me.” He called behind him, already sounding stuffy and uncomfortable. Keith felt a little bit bad for Matt, but he wasn't entirely sure he wasn't faking. Who knew if the suit actually gave him fur and dander and whatnot or if it just appeared that way? 

 

In any case, he curled up into Lance's arms and purred, stopping to swipe and hiss at anyone else who tried to approach.  _ Give it up, guys. I need Lance to go along with this so I can get him back for the freezer incident _ he screamed in his mind, willing his teammates to hear him. It was a needlessly elaborate set up to a prank, but Keith had never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth. After a few attempts, the rest of the paladins gave up trying to pet him and Keith was being carted off to Lance's room. (Coran had seemed disproportionately upset at Keith's rebuffs, crying out “but we had such good snuggles earlier!” through near-tears as Lance carried Keith away from the bridge.) 

 

“Well here we are, Admiral Fluffy. That's your new name, you're an officer because you're awesome, I hope you like it. I'm gonna make you a super cozy bed in my desk drawer and we'll find some stuff for you to play with, and you can poop in Matt's room!” He waggled a finger at Keith's front paws and Keith couldn't help but swipe at it. Lance set about making said comfy bed in the drawer, and while he was distracted, Keith made quick work of shredding his pillow with his claws. 

 

Lance looked up when he was finished and his eyes went wide. He ran over to the bed and picked Keith up quickly. “Noooo! Bad Admiral Fluffy! We don't rip up pillows, that's how we end up in the brig!” He gathered the pillow remnants and dumped them on top of the other discarded blankets and things he'd padded the drawer with before setting Keith on top. “Ok, I'm gonna go get some spare pillows, you stay here and we'll play when I get back? Ok?” He rubbed Keith's head gently for a moment with a big smile on his face. 

 

As soon as he left the room, Keith jumped onto his desk. He chewed through the cable to the lamp, the power cord for the cobbled together game system, and one of Lance's t-shirts that happened to be draped over the side just for good measure. Lance balked when he stepped back through the door. “Bad kitty!” He cried, running to the desk and seeing the damage. “You're demoted! I'm takin’ one of your stars for this, Vice Admiral!” Keith bit Lance's hand just hard enough to hurt but not hard enough to draw blood, and hopped calmly down into the center of the room. He laughed to himself as Lance swore and shook his sore hand.

  
Deciding that he'd had enough fun at Lance's expense, Keith attempted to deactivate the transformation protocol and discovered the second flaw with his scheme. After a few seconds of nothing, he tried again. In a panic, he tried for a third time. Still nothing.  _ Oh god oh shit I'm stuck. Shit what do I do?  _ He bolted out of Lance's room and made his way to the hangar as fast as he could. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Pidge is me any time I am confronted with a cat, and Kolivan and Matt are exceedingly unhelpful

Thankfully Coran had been too distracted by finding a cat in the ship to properly close the hatch, so Keith was able to shimmy his way in with little fuss.  _ Ok, ok, I just have to call Kolivan. He'll know what to do. _ Keith took as deep and steadying a breath as he was able to in his current form and jumped up onto the control panel. It was easy enough to hit the correct sequence to open the com line even without thumbs and Kolivan answered quickly.

 

His eyes narrowed and his forehead wrinkled as he took in the sight before him. “Is this some form of Earth joke?” Keith responded with a decidedly unhelpful meow. “You're supposed to be getting assistance with the suit’s materials problems, not gallivanting.” He said sternly. Keith growled low in his throat in response and meowed angrily. 

 

Kolivan's eyes narrowed even further. “I refuse to continue this conversation until you've resumed your proper form.” The line went dead.  _ Well that went great _ Keith thought to himself, curling up on the pilot's seat.  _ This is all Lance's fault. You can't just put a guy's underwear in a cryopod and expect him not to retaliate.  _ He swiped a paw at a loose thread on the safety harness. 

 

_ Now what? _ He growled and dug his claws into the seat, it actually felt pretty good, and he found himself kneading the fabric before he realized what he was doing and jumped down onto the floor.  _ Ok focus. If I can't get this to work and Kolivan doesn't realize I'm stuck…  _ he paced back and forth across the cockpit.  _ Pidge! She'll be able to figure it out! _

 

He dashed back through the hatch and made his way to Pidge's room. 

 

..

 

Of course her door was closed when he arrived, so he spent several minutes trying to jump for the access point that functioned as a doorknob, but couldn't quite reach. He supposed that he could just wait by the door and hope she left at some point and would notice him, but that could be hours. Swallowing his pride, he unsheathed his claws and began scratching at the door while mewling. 

 

Finally, Pidge opened the door and looked around, confused, for a moment before noticing Keith’s tiny form on the ground. “Admiral Fluffy!” She cried, bending down to scoop him off the ground. He let out an unhappy “moop” that he’d deny to his grave.  _ Ok, I just have to get her to realize it’s me and then--  _ his train of thought was interrupted by Pidge placing him in front of a large bowl. “Hunk made this just for you, buddy. You hungry?” His stomach growled and he realized it had been most of the day since he’d eaten anything.  _ Dinner first, then get Pidge’s help _ he decided, beginning to scarf down the food goo while Pidge scratched behind his ears. 

 

She left him to finish the meal and sat back down at her desk. For reasons he didn’t quite understand, Keith licked his front paws clean before jumping up on the messy surface and standing in front of her. She pushed her glasses up and smiled before picking him up and placing him on her lap. “Lap kitty!” He jumped back up onto the desk immediately and her face fell. “Aw, no lap kitty.” She pouted, but scratched his head again anyway. Batting her hand away, he began pressing buttons on the keyboard she had laid out, only getting as far as typing “thias is k” before she grabbed him and put him on the floor. “No, Admiral Fluffy. Keyboards are NOT for kitties! These are very expensive and delicate toys for  _ people _ . Here, play with this!”

 

She grabbed a frayed cord that was unplugged and laying partially out of a drawer and swung it back and forth in front of Keith. He couldn’t resist the urge to pounce at it, but came to his senses as Pidge grinned and made a delighted squealing noise. He tried to jump back onto the keyboard several more times, but Pidge finally locked the screen and sat him on the floor with an angry finger in his face. “Admiral Fluffy, you’re going to get banished back to Lance’s room if you keep this up!” She threatened. 

 

_ Ugh, this isn’t working… Maybe Matt won’t get distracted by the whole cat thing.  _ Keith decided it had to be worth a shot and made a break for the door. Thankfully, Pidge let him go without giving chase. 

 

Matt’s door was open, as it usually was, and Keith strolled in to find him in pretty much the exact same position Pidge was in; he was bent over his desk fiddling with something that Keith didn’t recognize, but it was distractingly glowy and he was having a hard time focusing on the task at hand. He shook his head and looked around the room for a keyboard or touchpad that he could type on. 

 

Off in a corner, a small datapad was abandoned next to something that looked like it might have been a prototype for a new staff, but it looked too small to be useful. Keith pressed a paw to it and it lit up.  _ Score!  _ He quickly pressed the icon for the virtual keyboard and began typing his message. “I am styuck this is kweith” He decided to ignore the typos, not having actual fingers made the whole process excruciating, but he made do. Now he just had to get Matt to read it… 

 

He swiped a paw at the small staff and knocked it over. It hit the ground with a metallic thud and immediately lengthened, stabbed a large hole in the wall and knocking over several other pieces of equipment. Keith hissed and ran to the other side of the room. Matt shot out of his chair, yelling expletives. Noticing Keith in the corner almost immediately, he lunged for the cat and managed to grab him by the scruff. 

 

It was the strangest feeling he’d ever had. It was like he was completely paralyzed. He couldn’t move at all and it was terrifying and humiliating. The worst part, even more than the indignity, was Matt striding into Hunk’s room completely ignoring the now-damaged datapad with Keith’s message on it. 


End file.
